Where’s Rivers Cuomo circa late ‘90s when you need a hot, emo shoulder to cry on?

First off, let’s get this straight, I’m not crying. I don’t cry because I physically can’t, but if I could, I think it would be happening right about now. And quite frankly, I need to bitch.

Peace Corps always tells us to play it safe and discourages us from conversing with drunken men. I follow this pretty strictly and merely wave or acknowledge them with a hello before continuing on my way. Today I was getting lunch before going to my second school when a man at the shabeen called me over. It was 11am, I was in somewhat of a hurry, and I mistakenly thought a little small talk wouldn’t hurt anyone.

He started off with the typical “I love you” that men so love to greet the ladies with. It’s interchangeable with “Hello” or “How are you?” Well, at least the frequency of the usage makes it seem so. I of course told him he didn’t love me and started walking away. He told me I needed to give him R10 since he loved me. Again with the logic. I explained to him I didn’t come here to give money to people, so he asked why I was here and I told him to teach skills to whoever was interested. He asked what, I said particularly English and computer. He told me that I’m doing that because all of us white people think we’re better than black people.

By then I was running late but I couldn’t leave it at that and let him think what he just said was true. I asked him when I ever said I was better than him. This is the first time I’ve met this man. He looked me up and down and said, “You voted for Obama.” I told him I did and this is usually my saving grace when people point at me and say how terrible us white folk are. I asked him how he knew, and this just completely backfired.

His answer: “Obama is black, but his mother is white. You voted for him because he’s half white and has the superior race in him.” There is so much wrong with this statement, oh my God. I’m not even going to go into detail because you already know, and my explanation would consume megabites I can’t afford right now.

As the saying goes, you can’t fight with an idiot, you’ll never win. So I proceeded walking. He stopped me again and asked for money, again. I told him I couldn’t do that, but I’d give him a bite of my lunch, so he accepted. I began walking away again and he told me to give him the rest of my food. I told him it was my lunch. He pointed at me, the worst point I think I’ve ever been given, and said in the nastiest voice that that’s how all us Americans are. What we buy is ours, and ours only. It was really quite terrible.

I wanted to tell him to first off, shove it, secondly that if I had asked his drunk ass for his beer he’d say no and would therefore be a hypocrite, and thirdly, that if I knew he needed it I would’ve clearly given it to him, but seeing that he’d fail a sobriety test with flying colors, he obviously has money, and it’s not my problem he chooses not to spend it on food. I’m totally not down with this one-way, double-standard ubuntu. Uncool.

I realize these are things I should be adjusted to, but every now and then you just need some cathartic relief when there isn’t a tall margarita in sight. Luckily, right after this very unpleasant verbal attack, I saw my friend who tried to make me feel better. She said any woman in the village who rejects a drunk man is called a bitch and yelled at.

I sympathized, but as much as that sucks, I’d rather be called a bitch than a racist.