still continued

18-SEPTEMBER: GRAMPS AND GRAN’S 60TH ANNIVERSARY!

Have mini photo shoot with little sis out of boredom. She’s cute so I’m going to show her off.








Look at that lush lawn. Water is free in this country and they keep a hose running until it pretty much floods. There is no regulation on how much water each household can use so it’s a free for all until it runs out every month. That’s when we use our rain water reserve.

1-OCTOBER: Internet access! However, it’s limited to my phone. Still must figure out how to connect it to my computer. Thusang!

The concept of "America" is a little different here than it is in the states. When we tell people we are American or that Obama is the president of America, they assume both North and South America, which is technically correct but really now, how does having one president for two entire continents make any sense? Maybe that’s how he won the Nobel Peace Prize.

4-OCTOBER: Watch “Serendipity.” I don’t know what’s more painful, that, or the American version of “My Sassy Girl.” I’d rather be stepped on barefoot by a fat person in stiletto heels or be chained up and tickled for 3 hours.

7-OCTOBER: Today, the scariest thing happens thus far. I use the pit toilet (I feel like my life revolves around this pit toilet), and for the first time I decide to trust the cleanliness of the seat and make direct contact. Mid usage, I feel something “down there.” I look and there’s a giant spider on the front side of my you know what. And this is no ordinary spider. It’s a spider straight out of Africa, a huge mofo. I flip out, scream, flick it off and dance around in this tiny tin cubicle whilst trying to avoid touching anything. As space permits it turns out to be more of an epileptic shimmy. Then of course my sister comes running to me and tries to open the door while my shorts and underwear are wrapped around my ankles because she left her toys in the bathroom, so I have to fight her to keep the door shut. I can safely say I will never not hover again.

9-OCTOBER: I have done a week of classroom observations and seen many an interesting thing. My favorite quotes of the week:

1. A teacher addressing her disorderly class, “You have no future because of freedom. You have freedom. No future. Education is dead.”

2. A student passes gas, and all the kids start laughing. Teacher looks at me and says while pointing at the culprit and completely calling her out, “She farted,” then turns to the student and says, “Next time you need to fart outside.”

I go to the toilet and find it covered in radioactive-sized roaches. They are everywhere. This means summer is just around the corner. I try everything, I stomp on the ground surrounding the toilet (advice that was previously given to me-doesn’t work by the way, they are fearless), and then I kick the toilet several times, but nothing. They are ruthless, like the pigeons and squirrels in Austin, but may be my new inspiration to getting skinny. Before coming here I was told a lot of the food was inedible and I got excited because that meant I would starve and lose weight. However, they were lies, and the food is very much edible and quite delicious, so I’m thinking plan B of my diet is going to have to revolve around the roaches, guardians of the shit hole. I fear roaches. Pooping forces me to encounter them. Food makes you poop. If I don’t eat, I won’t poop, and will not see the roaches therefore eliminating the root cause of my fear. I think it might work- swimsuit season here I come. If all else fails, the Off! (or Doom!-what they call it here and way more intimidating sounding) will have to accompany me. I just hope evolution doesn’t kick in full throttle and create mega roaches by the close of my two years.

12-OCTOBER: Endure scary ass storm. To sum it up it hails furiously, and I think I'm going mental. Some hail flies under the inch gap under my door and there is ice on my floor. The ceiling starts leaking in 7 different places. My bed gets wet, through my comforter, sheets, and through my mattress. I freak out a little, then a lot. I start to have crazy thoughts and prepare for the worst. I take out all my buckets and place them on my bed, on my table, on my desk, on the floor-every place water is leaking from. I unplug all my electronics, put my computer and phone away in plastic cases and store them in my closet in case the roof blows off and they get wet. I put on my pancho and headlamp, and I wait. I sleep about 6 hours later than usual because no matter how many 18-hour plane rides, marching band practices, worthwhile vacations, and good movies I sleep through, I can’t seem to sleep through this. I can only imagine this is what a dog goes through when going through a conveyer-belt carwash.

27-OCTOBER: While running today I pass up a kid pushing a wheelbarrow full of crap, literally – I think farmers pay them per kg for it or something, and he runs with me, with the wheelbarrow, up a hill, down a hill, and through a stream. All barefoot. I’m seriously impressed.

31-OCTOBER: Halloween weekend at the Cramer’s. I ate like a monster and enjoyed every minute of it. Michael Phelps and his 13 hamburger breakfast have nothing on me.

3-NOVEMBER: My mother is an avid gardener and has really been into it lately. New installments to our yard in addition to the 2 orange trees, papaya tree, and mango tree: a grape vine, several peach trees, pumpkin patch, apple tree, roses of all colors, and a guava tree! I can’t wait till they’re mature and ready to be picked.

4-NOVEMBER: Yet another ethnically-charged conversation I had today:

A random: “Where do you come from?”

Me: “America.”

A random: “You lie.”

Me: “Sometimes, but not at the moment.”

A random: “You are from China.”

Me: “I am not from China.”

(This goes on back and forth 3 or 4 times so I’ll skip ahead…and now, for the logic.)

A random: “Americans have long hair, you have short hair, and China have short hair.”

Me: “Americans have all different lengths of hair, and, I had longer hair, but I cut it off when I came here.”

A random: “You lie. You have picture?”

Me: “Yes, but I’m not showing you.”

A random: “Then you lie.”

A = C; B = C; therefore, A=C. Wait a second...

8-NOVEMBER: Throw my first baby shower. We have egg salad and cucumber sandwiches and tea, no gifts since we’re all broker than broke, play games, and end with vodka Fanta (minus the mother-to-be) and major bonding. It is a huge success and I am extremely happy.

9-NOVEMBER: I somehow become the assistant rhythmic gymnastics coach. LOL. The girls are competing at nationals in about a month and I’m here to whip them into shape. 5, 6, 7, 8…

12-NOVEMBER: I begin gardening with my mother. I’m new at this so for now I’m in charge of weed pulling duty.

15-NOVEMBER: Tidimatso has a baby girl! Congrats new mother!

After being here for a solid 4 months, I can safely say that people don’t know how to walk. For the most part. Think teen night at the Roxy without the strobe lights and house music. I take back the latter. There is always house music. From the break of dawn till the break of dawn the next day, and instead of dancing, they’re “walking.” I’ve been throwing around different ideas for my secondary project (my work outside of school hours), and I’m considering offering classes on the art of walking. Put one foot in front, then proceed with the other in a linear path to your destination. Stop if an obstruction arises, continue otherwise. Pay attention. Minimize swiveling, maximize consciousness. Keep with the flow of traffic. Don’t be retarded. It amazes me though. How they are able to transport themselves by foot the way they do, I won’t even bother calling it walking, and manage to dodge the 5 cars abruptly coming out of nowhere at any given moment going 40kmph. I think if I just do cartwheels to get around instead of walking people will have no choice but to get out of my way.

Conversation I have with the bank teller today:

Teller: “When did you get here?”

Me: “4 months ago.”

Teller: “Wow, your English is so good!”

Me: “Thanks, your Setswana’s not bad either.”

16-NOVEMBER: We are doing crunches in our gymnastics warm up when one of the girls rips a big one. We all die laughing, try to proceed, but can’t. Decide our 10 minutes of laughter will suffice for the day’s ab workout.

18-NOVEMBER: This is it. It’s the same feeling I had in Korea when I realized I was in love with the country. It’s cold today. Extremely rare for a South African summer. It feels like the holidays back at home, hot chocolate/spooning/fireplace/gingerbread cookie making weather. It’s raining and the droplets are gently tapping on my tin roof. Not at all violent and terrifying like usual. I’m sipping on my steaming cup of green tea, listening to Norah Jones with my deliciously scented candle burning delightful fumes. I’m at home.

19-NOVEMBER: Tree's Bday!

21-NOVEMBER: Locals are always curious about where non-African foreigners come from. When I tell them I’m from Texas and they have heard of the place, they usually associate it with one of five things: cattle, oil, George Dubya, cowboys, and most often, Joel Osteen (a huge percent of this country is Christian and he is their idol). Today I learned the lone star state was known for yet another hero. Here is a conversation we had on the taxi:

Local 1: Where do you come from?

Patrick: I’m from New York and she’s (me) from Texas.

Local 1: Where’s that?

Local 2: It is where you will find Chuck Norris.

27-NOVEMBER: I am thankful for Thanksgiving.

2-DECEMBER: DIET STARTS TOMORROW.